


Unforgiven

by magos186



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-17
Updated: 2008-05-17
Packaged: 2018-08-20 10:52:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8246312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magos186/pseuds/magos186
Summary: What happened after John kicked Sam out of the house over Stanford?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I found a bunch of really old SPN fics on my laptop. Some are on my LJ, but some were only ever posted on supernaturalville.net and sadly that site is gone. If you've read these before and the titles are different, it's cause I didn't save the files under the titles I gave them on spnville. Anyway, I've decided to start posting them here. This was written in 2006/2007. I'm posting the publication date as the same date it was posted on my livejournal.
> 
> The title is the name of a Metallica song and some lyrics will be used throughout.

_They dedicate their lives to running all of his_  
_He tries to please them all_  
_This bitter man he is_  
_Throughout his life the same_  
_He’s battled constantly_  
_This fight he cannot win._

“You been out here all night?” Pastor Jim asked as he handed Dean a cup of coffee. 

“I got here about an hour after he did,” Dean replied taking the cup and turning back to the window, watching the sleeping form of his brother on the couch. _He always looks so innocent when he sleeps_ Dean thought to himself. “Did he tell you what happened?”

“Not really. He showed up on my doorstep crying and he had a black eye. All he said was that you won’t talk to him and he wanted you. What’s going on?”

“He got into a fight with dad about going to college.”

“Did John hit him?” Jim asked, although he obviously knew the answer.

“Yeah. I pinned dad against the wall and told Sammy to wait for me outside. Dad said if he walked through the door to never come back, but I told him to leave the room until dad calmed down. By the time I got outside he was gone. I figured he’d come to you so I packed his stuff and took off.”

“Why won’t you talk to him?” 

Dean finished his coffee, placing the cup on the window ledge and said, “Dad kept calling me so I shut my phone off. I don’t think I’ve ever been so pissed at that man in my life. Besides, Sammy fell asleep a few minutes after I got here and I didn’t want to wake him up.”

“He only fell asleep because he knew you were watching over him. He might not have seen you, but he felt you were here. Do you want to go with him?”

“I promised I’d never leave him—” Dean stopped talking as his mind flashed back to a time when his life seemed so much simpler.

_It was a rainy Monday when little Sammy Winchester had told his big brother not to pick him up from school. Dean had been injured that Saturday when a poltergeist threw him into a wall. Well, he wasn’t seriously injured, just some bruised ribs, but Sam knew it was hard for him to sit up, let alone drive. So Sam, who was really not so little as he was almost as tall as his 19 year old big brother, convinced Dean to let him walk home from school. After all he was fifteen and able to handle anything that could happen. Besides, he only had to walk four blocks. So big brother eventually said yes when little brother played the puppy dog face card. But Dean would quickly learn that saying yes was a very big mistake._

_Sam arrived home nearly half an hour late, which had Dean pacing. He was about to go out looking when Sam stormed into the house, his face down, and ran into the bathroom. Dean quickly followed, knowing something was wrong. He opened the bathroom door to find his little brother on the floor, his knees tightly against his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, head on his knees, and the faint sound of crying. “Sammy?” Dean asked as he knelt down in front of his brother. “Sammy what’s wrong?”_

_“Don’t leave me.” The boy whispered it so low his brother wasn’t sure he’d heard right._

_“Leave you? Why would I leave you? What are you talking about?”_

_“They said you were gonna leave me just like dad and mom.”_

_“Sammy, dad didn’t leave you. He’s just off on a hunt. And you know I’d never leave you. You’re my little brother; it’s my job to take care of you. Who told you that?”_

_“Tommy Ryan,” he whispered, but still he hadn’t raised his head._

_“Shit,” Dean muttered. “Look at me.” Sam knew that tone meant he had to obey, but he was just too scared. “Sammy, look at me.” Dean said it so forcefully the boy cringed. After a minute he finally looked up to see his brother’s shocked and angry face. Sam’s own face was covered in bruises and blood. “Did Tommy do this?” he asked as anger started to course through his body. Sam didn’t speak, he simply nodded his head. With that one simple motion, he suddenly looked as if he was ten years old again and when he looked into his big brother’s eyes with his own tearing, big brown eyes, Dean felt his heart break. He grabbed a hand towel from the closet next to the door and soaked it with warm water. He gently took his little brother’s head in his hands and began to wipe away the blood and tears. When he was done, Sam threw his arms around his neck and whispered, “Please don’t leave me.”_

_“Sammy, I promise no matter what happens, I’ll never leave you.”_

Dean could feel his heart break, the sting of the tears watering his eyes as he stared through the window at the sleeping form of his eighteen year old brother. He still looked like he was ten. The memory faded as Jim began to speak again. “You know he needs you Dean. He always has. He never needed John…just you.”

“That’s the problem,” the young hunter shouted. He didn’t intend to yell, but even the stone fortress that is Dean Winchester has to vent occasionally. “He needs me to be there for him and take care of him and protect him, but dad needs me too. He expects me to be the ‘perfect little soldier’ I have all these years. I want to stay with my brother, but if I leave dad too he won’t make it. He can’t lose the both of us and I don’t want him hunting alone.” He let out a large sigh. “I’m sorry I’m yelling. It’s not your fault. It’s just—my whole world is crashing down around me and I can’t stop it. I can’t keep this family together anymore. And honestly, I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of playing the peacemaker. I’m just so damn tired of it all.” Dean threw up his hands and sat down on the porch stairs. Jim sat down next to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“Dean, you have had a harder life than most people can imagine and I don’t blame you for being tired. It’s not right that you are constantly in the middle of every battle between your father and brother. It’s also wrong that you have to keep all your emotions buried behind those walls. You always have to be strong for Sam and John…Dean you were just a kid who had to raise a baby and care for a grown man. You did it all without complaining. All you ever wanted in return was to be a family, but John’s just too damn stubborn to let that happen. What am I saying? All the Winchesters are stubborn.”

“Yeah, that’s a gene we definitely share.”

“Listen, I know this is tearing you apart. It’s not right that you have to choose between your father and your brother. And I know that in the end you’ll stay with John because hunting’s in your blood. It’s just who you are. But Sam’s not you. He never had the passion or the drive to hunt and we both know that. If he doesn’t follow his own path he’ll just be miserable. Dean, there’s always a day when you have to let your kid go out into the world alone and try to make it. The thing to remember is to always be there to catch them if they fall. Sam needs to do this. He needs to find his own way, independent of your dad’s obsession with evil. It doesn’t matter if he fails or succeeds. The important thing is you support him and be there for him.”

“I never wanted him to be a hunter. I tried to shield him from it as long as I could. I tried to keep him safe.”

“You did. You let him hold onto so much of that innocence that you were robbed of and you have always kept him safe.”

“I want him to be happy. I always have. I just wish he didn’t have to leave.”  
A loud rang broke the silence that followed that statement, causing both men to jump. Jim ran inside to answer the phone. When he returned to the porch, Dean was gone, replaced by Sam’s bags. On top was a piece of paper which said, _“Thanks for listening. Tell Sammy I said good luck and I’ll always be there to catch him. –Dean.”_

When the phone rang, Dean knew his brother would be awake. There were so many things he wanted to say, yell, but he just couldn’t face him. So with a heavy heart, he walked to the trunk of his car, pulled out Sam’s bags, scribbled a note on a loose piece of paper, and put the bags on the porch. He looked one last, sad look through the window at his brother then headed back to his car and drove away. As he got on the highway, he turned on the radio to hear the depressing, soothing tones of Metallica. 

_Deprived of all his thoughts_  
_The young man struggles on and on he’s known_  
_A vow unto his own_  
_That never from this day_  
_His will they take away_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a drunk Dean.

_New blood joins this earth_  
_And quickly he’s subdued_  
_Through constant pained disgrace_  
_The young boy learns their rules_

One Week Later:

It was late…or early depending on how you look at it. Either way it was still irritating to the old hunter when the phone rang at two in the morning. “Yeah?” He asked grumpily as he brought the phone to his ear.

“Hey Bobby, it’s Sam.”

“Sam, it’s 2 am. What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, forgot about the time difference. Have you heard from Dean? Pastor Jim called earlier and said he was missing.” Well, shit Bobby thought to himself as he sat up. 

“What was he hunting?”

“I don’t think he was. He was at Pastor Jim’s last week. I’ve called Caleb, Jefferson, everyone else I can think of, but no one’s heard from him. I keep trying to call and I’m just getting his voicemail. I’m really worried.”

“Look, Sam, I’m sure he’s fine. You know you’re brother. He’s probably just shacked up with some girl.”

“Yeah, maybe. Just call me if you hear from him?”

“Of course. Try not to worry.” No more than two minutes after they hung up the phone rang again. “Sam?” Bobby asked as he answered.

“No, this is Deputy Tucker. I’m sorry to call so late Mr. Singer.”

“Something wrong with the Mustang?” he asked, referencing the car he just helped the Deputy restore.

“Oh, no. It’s running like a dream. I’m actually calling about a young man.”

“Wait, let me guess. He’s twenty two, bout six foot, short brown hair.”

“Yeah.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing really. He was over at Trudy’s working on a three-day drunk. Some bikers were lookin to pick a fight with him so I brought him to the station. I asked him who I could call and after I told him where he was he said your name. He hasn’t said anything else. He’s just been sitting in a cell singing ‘Yellow Submarine.’”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” the old hunter said as he hung up the phone. There was no way he would be getting to sleep tonight. So he got up and got dressed and ten minutes later he was at the sheriff’s station. He was shocked to see the Impala parked in the lot and when he entered the building the first thing he said was “Please tell me he didn’t drive here.”

“Of course not. I drove it over. I didn’t want to leave it at the bar.”

 _“So we sailed up to the sun, till we found a sea of green, and we lived beneath the waves, in our yellow submarine. WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE. WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE.”_ Bellowed a drunken Dean from down the hall.

“You weren’t kidding. Where is he?”

“Cell four. The door’s open. It’s a good thing there’s no one in here but me and him or he would have been knocked out by now.”

As Bobby walked down the row of cells the singing grew louder and louder. It was so irritating that he actually shouted “DEAN BENJAMIN WINCHESTER” in such a harsh tone that all sounds immediately stopped. He turned into the cell and found the mighty Dean hiding under a blanket. He sat next to the young hunter and pulled off the blanket. “Dean,” he said kindly.

“Bobby?” the young man asked as he looked up. His breath alone was enough to inebriate everyone within a two mile radius.

“Whew, what did you do inhale a brewery? You know your brother’s worried sick about you.”

“He doesn’t care about me,” Dean mumbled in a defeated tone. The sadness in his voice broke the old hunter’s heart.  
“  
Of course he cares. You’re his whole world.”

“Not anymore. He left me Bobby.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He left me to go to college. He’s not coming back.”

“If you ask him to he will,” Bobby said as he stood. He took hold of Dean and with a grunt, hefted him to his feet. He wrapped one arm around Dean’s waist to prevent him from falling over and he wrapped Dean’s left arm around his neck. “Come on,” he said as they slowly began to walk.

“What did I do wrong?” the young hunter asked. “You think you raise a kid right…you feed him, shelter him, protect him from the suprrnattraal,” he slurred. “Then first chance he gets he deserts you.”

“He’s only going to college. He hasn’t deserted you. Sam loves you more than anything. You did a good job raising him. He just likes school.”

“Yeah, he’s a big geek. I wish we lived in a yellow submarine. He wouldn’t be able to leave me if we all lived in a yellow submarine.” Just like that Dean had gone from the verge of tears to singing one of the most annoying Beatles songs. He only stopped singing when they stopped at the front desk to get his stuff from the Deputy. Dean smiled and said, “Do you know my friend Bobby? He fixes cars. He takes care of me.”

“Really?” The Deputy asked, trying to hold back his laughter. 

“Yeah. He’s like my uncle.”

“Well, that’s nice. Stay out of Trudy’s for a while okay?”

“Yesssssiirrr,” he slurred.

“I’ll come back for my truck tomorrow,” Bobby stated.

“You need a hand getting him out to the car?”

“No, I think I can manage. Thanks Harvey.”

“Harvey? But he’s not an invisible rabbit,” Dean muttered as he was dragged out of the building. Bobby shoved him into the passenger seat of the Impala and said, “I don’t know how you can be so drunk you can’t walk and have trouble talking, but you can reference a movie from 50 years ago.”

“I’m just special that way.” Bobby simply rolled his eyes at the comment and got into the car. Ten minutes later they were back at his house. Somehow he managed to get the young drunken hunter up the stairs and onto the couch in his small living room. Dean passed out about two minutes later. The old hunter placed an empty trash can on the floor by his head and went into the kitchen, pulling out his cell phone. After three rings an anxious voice came on the other line. “Bobby, tell me you’ve heard from him.”

“Do ya one better. He’s passed out on my couch.”

“Thank God. Is he alright?”

“In a manner of speaking. When he wakes up he’s gonna have the mother of all hangovers.”

“I’m coming. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

“Sam, that’s really not necessary.”

“It’s my fault. I have to talk to him. I’ll see you soon.” Before Bobby could protest any further, the line went dead. _No sense trying to fight with a Winchester_ he thought to himself. He knew many hunters, but of them all, the Winchester men were the most stubborn he’d ever met. All he could do was watch over Dean, biding his time until Sam arrived.


	3. Chapter 3

_What I’ve felt_  
_What I’ve known_  
_Never shined through in what I’ve shown_  
_Never be_  
_Never see_  
_Won’t see what might have been_  
_What I’ve felt_  
_What I’ve known_  
_Never shined through in what I’ve shown_  
_Never free_  
_Never me_  
_So I dub thee Unforgiven_

Consciousness floated back into Dean’s head as the shadows of sleep began to retreat. He groaned, his whole body feeling too heavy to move. He was able to slightly open his eyes, which was a move he quickly regretted as the light in the room sent a blinding pain through his head. “Here,” he heard a voice whisper as his dark sunglasses were placed over his eyes. Not remembering the past few days, he muttered “Sammy?” turning his head slightly to the side.

“Yeah, Dean, I’m right here. Can you sit up?”

“That depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“On whether my head’s still attached to my body.”  
Sam bit back a laugh, but let the smile remain on his face. It was the first time he’d smiled since he left his big brother. 

“It’s still attached,” he said, reaching out his arms to help pull Dean into a sitting position. The older brother looked around, unable to recognize his surroundings.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“We’re at Bobby’s. You don’t remember?”

“If I can still taste whiskey in my mouth, my memory’s gonna be foggy for a while.”

Holding back another laugh, Sam handed his brother a glass of water. “Drink this and I’ll get you something for the hangover.”

Dean gulped down the water in two large sips, never feeling so dehydrated before in his life. He drank the other glass of water that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him, figuring Sam left extra for him. When the younger returned, he handed the older a cold, glass bottle of beer. Dean drank half of it in one sip and said, “That’s my boy,” raising the bottle to rest on his forehead; the cold helping to lessen the throbbing in his skull. After a few minutes of peaceful silence he asked, “Why are we at Bobby’s?”

“How bout you take a shower and then we’ll discuss it,” Sam replied as he hefted his brother to his feet. 

“That sounds like a good idea.” Dean answered, resting his body against his brother’s. It took them a good ten minutes, but they finally made it upstairs to the bathroom. 

“There’s a towel hanging on the door and your clothes are on the sink. Think you can manage to stand up on your own?”

“Yeah dude, I’m good. Thanks.”

“I’ll wait for you downstairs,” Sam whispered as he released his hold on his brother and exited the room. Dean turned off the light, undressed, and climbed into the tub, letting the hot water wash away the alcohol seeping from every pore in his body. As sobriety beckoned him…as his drunkenness faded away…his memory slowly began to clear. He remembered the fight between his father and brother, he remembered leaving Sam to Pastor Jim’s, he remembered driving until he was too tired to drive anymore, which landed him at Trudy’s Bar just a few blocks away from Singer’s Salvage Yard. He remembered the deputy taking him to the police station and Bobby bringing him home. The only thing he didn’t remember was how or why his brother was suddenly with him. So he quickly washed up, and stepping out of the soothing water, he dried off, got dressed, and went to find out the answer to his question. He found the two men sitting at the kitchen table staring into their respective cups of coffee. 

“Don’t get up on my account,” Dean said, heading over to the pot and pouring himself a nice big cup of hot, caffeinated heaven.

“How are you feeling?” The old hunter asked. 

“I miss my yellow submarine,” the young hunter replied with a smirk.

“Thanks a lot. I had that damn song stuck in my head all night because of you,” Bobby said in an irritated tone, throwing an equally irritated look in Dean’s direction. 

Sam ignored the laugh his brother was trying to stifle and stared at him in confusion. “Dean, you hate the Beatles.”

“Yeah, but it’s just one of those songs that once you hear it, it’s stuck in your head. So, what are you doing here?” When no reply came, he hardened his tone and said, “Sammy?”

“I was worried about you,” Sam muttered. “I wanted to talk to you…”

“I’m gonna go—feed the dog,” Bobby said as he stood. He took his coffee and walked outside. Dean sat across from his brother, taking a long slug of the hot, black, soothing liquid in his hands.

“What did you want to talk about?” Dean asked…not that he had to. He already knew what his brother was going to say…at least he thought he did. He was barely able to hide his shock when he heard

“I love you. You’re my whole world, my home,” Sam said looking at the floor. If he looked into his big brother’s eyes he knew he’d never be able to say this, let alone what else he needed to. “You’ve taken care of me my whole life. You’ve sacrificed so much for me and this is how I pay you back. I’m sorry.”

“Sammy—”

“No, let me finish. I know you’re pissed at me for leaving you, for wanting to go to college, for not wanting to hunt. But the truth is I’m not like you. I’m not the hunter you are and I never will be. I never wanted this life and I know you didn’t either, but you made sure I had options. You made sure that I studied and did well in school. Hell if it wasn’t for you I probably would have dropped out.”

“If you did I would have kicked your ass,” came the muddled reply. Sam couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Look man, for as long as I can remember, you’ve been stuck in between me and dad. For years you’ve had to play the peacemaker.” Both brothers looked up at each other. Sam’s face was full of guilt, and Dean’s was full of shock once again. “Yeah, I heard what you said to Pastor Jim.”

“Sam, I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes you did. You said you were tired of trying to keep our family together and I don’t blame you. Me and dad…we’ve been playing tug of war for years and you are the rope. We each need you, but no matter what either of us thinks, you’re just one man Dean. We’ve been pulling you in two directions for so long…I don’t know how you can still stand either of us anymore.”

“Yeah, well, you’re still my family.”

“And you’re mine.”

“Then why’d you take off? I told you to wait outside. Why did you go?!” Dean asked in a raised voice as he stood.

“I did it for you.”

“What?”

“That last fight with dad…we were just both so pissed and when he hit me I knew that was it. I knew I couldn’t stay with him one more day. When I got outside I realized that you were going to have to choose a side. You were going to have to choose between your father and your brother and I knew that would break your heart, so I made the decision for you. There’s nothing I want more than for you to be at Stanford with me, but I could never ask that of you. And what you told Pastor Jim was the truth…dad would never survive without you. He depends on you more than he should.”

“Sammy—”

“No! I don’t want to fight about him. I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Would you just shut up for a minute?” he yelled, instantly regretting it as the noise made his head throb like someone had just dropped an anvil on it. He pushed his hands into his temples, grunting as the pain got worse. Suddenly he felt two steadying hands on his shoulders, guiding him back to the chair. 

“Dean, are you alright?” Sam whispered.

“This hangover’s gonna be fun,” he muttered through gritted teeth. Sam left his side, but returned two minutes later with a bottle and a glass of water. He took four aspirin from the bottle and held them out to his big brother, who swallowed them and the water in one large gulp. After a while the pain began to subside. “Thanks Sammy,” he said, looking into the concerned eyes of his little brother. Sam was still kneeling in front of him with one hand on his shoulder. “What I was gonna say was that you didn’t want to hear what I had to say to you that day. Obviously my opinion doesn’t matter to you.”

“Of course it does. Yours is the only opinion that ever mattered to me. It’s just…for once I had to do something that was right for you. If you asked me to, I would have stayed, but I would have been miserable and if I hunted with you I would have just been a liability. You can’t face the things we do half-heartedly. If you’re not completely in the hunt then you get hurt. I didn’t want you to get hurt or killed trying to protect me. I knew that if I left you, you’d be able to focus on your hunts and there’d be less of a chance you’d get hurt. I also knew that if I left, you wouldn’t be constantly torn between me and dad. You wouldn’t be miserable all the time. You’d be able to be a person again…”

“So you think I’m better off without you? That’s crap and you know it.”

“No, what I know is that you’ve given everything you have to take care of me and fight in dad’s crusade. I don’t want you to sacrifice anymore. I want you to think of yourself for a change. Please, Dean, try and understand what I’m saying. It’s not that I want to be away from you because I don’t, it’s just I think this will be good for the both of us. I mean I always wanted to go to college and somewhere deep down you always wanted that for me too otherwise you wouldn’t have made me study so much. And as much as I want this for myself, I want you to be happy too and hunting makes you happy. _‘Life is ours, we live it our way’_ right?” 

Dean looked away from his brother, trying to process everything he was hearing. It sounded like it was killing Sam just as much as it was killing him to be apart from each other. On some level, he knew that Sam was right. He had been miserable lately, constantly stuck between the youngest and the oldest Winchester, battling it out almost daily. He knew his little brother should go to college, be normal; have the life that he always wanted. He wanted his little brother to be happy and safe and he could find that at Stanford. Sam never wanted John’s life. Dean on the other hand had embraced it. He loved learning how to fight, shoot, kill the supernatural evils of the world. Maybe it was because he knew what happened that night all those years ago…he remembered his mother and wanted to punish the thing that took her away. The only mother Sam had ever known was his big brother. Maybe that’s why he never wanted the life of a hunter…why he never embraced what John had taught him. Dean knew that the nomadic life they lived was slowly draining his brother’s spirit, not to mention the fights with their father. No, Sam was right. It was time for him to leave his family and find his own way in the world. Dean understood…of course that didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Pay attention ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once…you’re right. I get what you’re saying, I do. But Sammy you gotta understand where I’m coming from. If you’re off at college, I won’t be able to look out for you anymore. You’ll be completely on your own.”

“I know. The past few days I’ve been there… I mean you’ve been with me practically every day of my life and it’s so lonely there without you. It’s kind of scary that for once, you’re not within arms reach, but this is something I need to do. I can’t keep hunting…it’s killing all of us. Me, you, even dad…for the past few years we’ve just all been so miserable and by leaving I’m giving us all a chance to try and find happiness again. Please, Dean, you know how much I love you and it’s so hard to be away from you…please just don’t be mad at me,” Sam said as he lowered his head, letting his arm fall from his brother. He sat on the floor against the table leg looking so defeated. Dean had never seen him so torn before. So, very slowly getting up from the chair, he knelt in front of his little brother and took his head in his hands.

“Sammy, I’m not mad at you. I want you to have this life, I do, but I’m just worried about you. I’ve never left you unprotected before.”

“I’m not unprotected. I have all the training and the knowledge. I know how to protect myself. I have for a long time. You just like to mother me,” Sam replied, letting a smile cross his face. Dean smiled too saying, “Yeah, well, you need mothering.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.” 

With one slow move, the two brothers were sitting next to each other. Dean reached his arm around Sam’s shoulders, pulling him in for a noogy and after left his arm wrapped his baby brother, Sam leaving his head against Dean’s shoulder. This was the last time they would ever be together like this. They both knew it, so neither one fought the hug and for the longest time they just sat there like that. It wasn’t until they heard the dog barking that either one of them moved. Sam helped his big brother up slowly; trying not to accelerate the throbbing in the older’s head. They walked over to the front window and saw Bobby sitting on the porch, their father walking up the driveway. “Shit” both boys whispered at the same time. Sam was in no mood to fight with John, and Dean was in no way able to referee them. Their only hope was the old hunter sitting on the porch. 

“John, what are you doing here?”

“Cut the crap Bobby. Where’s my boy?”

“I have no idea.”

“Then why is his car right there?” John asked, pointing to the impala. _Knew I shoulda put that in the garage,_ Bobby thought to himself. “Jim called and told me he was here."

“Look if he wanted to talk to you, he would have picked up the phone. He obviously just needs some space.”

“I’ll be the judge of what he needs,” John said angrily, stepping closer and closer to the stairs. 

“You’re not coming inside. Dean needs time to sort out what happened with Sam.”

“What do you know about it?”

“Only that Sam left him and it’s probably your fault.”

“I don’t have time for this shit. I just want my boy.”

“I mean it John, you’re not coming inside.”

“He’s MY son, not yours! You can’t keep me from him!”

“Wanna bet?” Bobby said as he lifted a shotgun from beside his chair and stood. 

“Put that down before you hurt yourself.”

“Don’t test me Winchester!” He replied as he cocked the gun and aimed it directly at John’s chest. “Now get the hell off my property!”

“Fine, but I want my boy back and soon. You can’t protect him forever.” 

John climbed angrily into his truck and sped down the road. All three men let out the breath the seemed to collectively been holding. Dean knew he had to go back and soon. He’d only been gone a week and already his father was unraveling. If he waited much longer, his dad would beat the crap out of him. “He looked really pissed,” a trembling voice said behind him. 

“Don’t worry Sammy. I’ll call him later and everything will be fine. We should probably take off though.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

“A lot better, thanks. A hot shower, a beer, some aspirin, coffee, and some brotherly love seem to be a pretty good cure for a hangover,” Dean replied smiling his cocky smile. He was pleased to see his little brother smile too. Dean grabbed his jacket, wallet, and keys off the chair by the couch and they were just about to leave when Bobby stormed into the house muttering something like, “That pigheaded, stubborn, rude, cocky, son of a bitch!”

“Hey Bobby,” Sam said innocently.

“WHAT?!” he shouted, turning around. When he saw the hurt look on the boy’s face, he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry; it’s just that man…”

“Yeah, I know. We’re going to take off. I think we’ve caused enough trouble.”

“Sam,”

“No, it’s cool,” Dean interjected. “Sammy’s gotta get back to school anyway. Thanks for everything.”

Bobby was too stunned to say anything. He simply nodded and the boys headed out to the car and took off. Sam was about to call the airport about getting a flight back when he noticed Dean pulled onto the highway heading west. 

“Look,” Dean said, then cleared his throat, trying to think of the right words. “I should have done this a week ago. I shouldn’t have left you at Jim’s. I should have driven you out there myself so that’s what I’m gonna do. When we stop I’ll call dad and smooth everything out. He’s probably only pissed that I’m preventing him from hunting anyway. In a week, everything will be back to normal.”

“Except I’ll still be gone,” Sam whispered completing his brother’s thought. 

Dean glanced at him and said in that gentle tone reserved only for when Sam was sad, “You’ll be safe and doing what you love. You always loved school you big geek.”

Sam said nothing; he just smiled at his brother. That one simple reply said everything that he needed to hear. He finally had his big brother’s blessing to go to college. That was all he ever really wanted. The drive was relaxing, for them both. They both had time to process everything that had happened at Bobby’s, time to just hang out with each other, time to silently say their goodbyes. When they got to Stanford, neither of them was able to say goodbye so instead, after heavily arming his brother with everything from consecrated iron rounds to silver knives, Dean simply said, “I’ll see you soon.” Sam nodded and turned away from the world he’d known. Dean just stood there and watched as the baby that was placed in his care so long ago walked out of his life. With a heavy heart, he got into his car, leaning back against the leather. He knew nothing would ever be the same. At least he could throw himself into his work, hoping it would be enough to ease the emptiness growing inside him. As he headed towards the highway, he flipped on the radio. It was a song he’d never heard before, _probably from some musical_ he thought, but he didn’t turn it off. He simply listened to the words and found them oddly fitting.

_I’m broken, but I’m still alive_  
_And slowly I will feel my soul revive_  
_With time, I’ll find a way to right this wrong_  
_If it takes my whole life long_  
_Lord, I’ll fight my battles all alone_  
_But make me strong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endnotes: Lyrics in the beginning once again from Metallica’s “Unforgiven," as is the line Life is ours, we live it our way.
> 
> The lyrics at the end are from a song titled “Prayer” from the Broadway play The Scarlet Pimpernel. I just thought the lyrics kinda fit the situation.


End file.
